Relationship Counselling. KellySearle

What is Relationship Counselling?

Some people might take the view that attending relationship counselling is an admission of failure - something we only consider in a final attempt to save a relationship that’s gone wrong. Another way of looking at this is to say that going for counselling is a sign of our willingness to be proactive and try to resolve problems rather than avoid them. After all, it can take some courage to recognise when we're experiencing difficulties in our relationship and make the decision to pick up the phone and talk to a counsellor. The fact is that sometimes it can simply feel too difficult to cope with relationship problems on our own and on these occasions it's quite natural to seek counselling to help us to find a way through. Also, attitudes have changed over recent years with the development of social media and we're much more open to the idea of talking about our problems and asking for help than we might have been in previous times. Increasingly, people have come to recognize that if we care about our relationships it's worth investing time and effort in making them work. We can also find ourselves needing help at different stages of our relationships and whilst it would be unwise to see counselling be a cure-all - we still have to put in our own effort - it can certainly help us to improve things with our partner before problems develop into a crisis. It's worth remembering that no issue is ever too small to discuss in counselling and we don't have wait until things get really bad before we take steps to improve our relationship. Even when things feel really difficult couples can often be surprised how much counselling can help to get the relationship back on track.

"I have met with Nick over the past months about a number of issues that all arrived at once: being in constant pain, a very ill relative, divorce, selling my house and the loss of my job - more than enough for one person. Nick helped me to face all of these issues and equipped me to look forward to a positive future." Michael

Relationship Counselling. Lesbian couple2

What sorts of issues can relationship counselling help us with?

Any issue that's causing difficulties in your relationship can be discussed in counselling and it doesn't matter if you are living together, married, gay or straight. It might be that everything seemed to be going fine in a long-term relationship but suddenly you’ve hit a problem and you're unclear how to approach it? Maybe you’ve recently started a new relationship but feel a bit unsure about how things are going or in what direction? Or it could be that a relationship you cared deeply about has recently ended and you are left trying to work out where things went wrong? Maybe you’re not in a relationship at all at the moment but wishing you were, feeling alone and wondering how to make it happen? Sometimes events happen that threaten the very existence of our relationship and the discovery of an affair can leave us wondering if things can ever be the same again. Whatever your concerns I am here to help you and support you.

"Initially, I went to see Nick on my own to discuss problems I was having,
my thoughts were clouded and not making sense. At the end of this first
session Nick suggested that my wife come to the next and subsequent
sessions. Using his skills Nick was able to get us both to see things from
the others point of view. We found Nick really helpful, he didn't just sit
in the corner nodding and agreeing, he challenged us to think and see
things differently. After a few sessions it was apparent that we had worked
things through and we are both now much happier in our relationship thanks
to Nick." John & Melissa

How would we work together in counselling?

If issues like the ones mentioned here have been on your mind for some time chances are you might be feeling tired and stressed as you go over things again and again searching for answers. When we feel like this counselling can help us to share our deepest thoughts and concerns in confidence with someone who will really hear us. Counselling isn't about taking sides - instead it's more to do with the counsellor being by your side, being available and offering both partners the kind of impartial support you want at the time you most need it. Whilst no one should claim counselling can provide instant solutions couples and individuals often say that talking over relationship issues with a professional counsellor can be transforming - calming tensions and paving the way for meaningful dialogue and renewed understanding that continues outside of therapy. Attending counselling can strengthen our capacity for self-reflection, enabling us to recognise when our own behaviours might be unreasonable and encouraging us to be more thoughtful and considerate towards our partner. At the end of counselling many couples feel they have been able to resolve old hurts and move ahead leaving tensions and conflict behind them.

My commitment to you

My aim is to provide sessions that will offer you a sanctuary for sharing the strong feelings and issues that have brought you to counselling in the first place. An important part of my role in couples counselling is to support you both as you explore your concerns freely and openly whilst helping to keep a check on the blame or hostility that can often emerge when we are hurt and upset. Often, when things go wrong in our relationships it can feel difficult to set aside the tensions and disagreements that are being felt "in the moment". However, in order to repair our relationship in the long-term it is essential to look beyond the immediate story of our current grievances and consider what the process of relating to each other looks like. It may be that we have lost vital communication skills in the fog of misunderstanding that has come to characterise the way we are behaving in the relationship and so we may need to relearn ways to actively listen and hear each other. By being less insistent on asserting our viewpoint and focusing instead on developing skills that involve observing ourselves and our own behaviours we can become usefully curious about the part we may be playing individually in maintaining our difficulties. Working from these simple foundations the hope is that we can begin to heal the relationship, move forward positively and sustain the gains achieved in counselling.

If you have been experiencing relationship difficulties please feel free to call me for an initial consultation to discuss your issues in complete confidence.

Phone: 020 8866 2190 or 07921 524167

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